If there is one thing that really chaps my ass it’s my self-centered friends. You know, I am over hear trying to live out a Lifetime Movie of a life, and these jerks think it’s ok to just drop me a text that says, “Marcus – check this band out…you will dig it”. After 32 years of life on earth, finding new music that fits what you are looking for is hard. It takes a lot of time and commitment to listening to average stuff. You go down a lot of rabbit holes testing similar or frequently like artists, when you find one you like but they don’t always match up. When life gets busy, digging for new bands tends to drop off my radar completely. Until last Tuesday when this lowlife, Alex text me. He says listen to the Fugue State EP by Vulfpeck. He even sends me an iTunes link in the text.
The part that really, really pisses me off is he was absolutely right. I love it. My first question back is how long have you known about this? “Heard them on XM a few weeks ago” he responds. A COUPLE OF WEEKS! What kind of friend is this guy?!
Its been a really hard week. While I love to joke around on here, life has been giving me a healthy dose of body shots. In the past week two things are really bending my mind:
- Brisket’s pending move
- A trip to see my grandmother for possibly the last time
Please understand this is an attempt at total honesty. In my lifetime, as a middle class white male, this is one of the first times I have felt utterly out of control. My entire life, when things didn’t work out, there was always a plan B or a way to “try again” and ultimately get whatever I wanted. I will be the first to say it’s wrong that I have made it this long in life without feeling this sensation. I understand how fortunate I have been.
Experiencing helplessness hurts but, I cannot help but stop and think about those who live this way a majority of their life. Let’s ignore the cause for now. It is a bizarre time of guilt and pain. I want to be upset and throw a fit. I want to make a scene. It is cliche, but my god, I have so much good in my life. I would gladly give it all up to keep Brisket or my Grandma, but neither is an option. Why do we let people around us live a lifetime feeling this way? I am part of the problem and don’t have a solution.
I apologize for the dark tone here but I am working through uncharted territory in my mind.